Supporting Loved Ones Affected by Trauma
Wars, genocide, and other large-scale traumas leave lasting scars on those directly involved and, on their families, and friends. Supporting a loved one who is grappling with the aftermath of these traumatic events requires empathy and commitment to their healing journey. In this blog post, we will explore ways to effectively provide support to a loved one.
Active listening. This is the foundation of support. Before offering solutions or advice, prioritize active listening and let your loved one share their experiences at their own pace – without judgement or interruption. This includes paying attention to what they are saying, both verbally and nonverbally. Even if you can’t fully comprehend their experiences, focus on validating their reality and understanding their feelings. Avoid minimizing their experiences or telling them things like, “just get over it”.
Practical solutions. While practical solutions are helpful, it’s also crucial to offer help to your loved one in a way that empowers them instead of overwhelming them. Instead of asking, “What can I do?”, try offering specific suggestions such as, “Can I help you with grocery shopping this week?”, “I can pick up your kids from school today”, “I’m available to just sit with you while you try to get some sleep”. It’s also important to respect boundaries and if they decline your offer, accept it gracefully. Your offer itself is often more important whether they accept it or not.
Understanding their responses. Trauma manifests in different ways. Your loved may exhibit the following:
Anger: this can be directed outward or inward. Try to remain patient and calm and try to avoid escalating arguments.
Withdrawal: they may seem emotionally distant or isolate themselves. Try to respect their need for space while checking-in regularly using a kind and gentle approach.
Hypervigilance: they may be easily startled, on edge, or struggle to relax. Try to create a safe and predictable environment or routine.
Flashbacks/Nightmares: these are common symptoms to trauma. Try to stay calm and offer comfort and reassurance while avoiding pressuring them to discuss details they aren’t ready to talk about. Encourage them to breathe slowly and deeply and reassure them that they are safe.
Please remember that these are normal responses and reactions to abnormal experiences and are not signs of weakness.
Validation. Above all else, validate your loved one’s experiences and acknowledge the reality of their trauma and how it has impacted them. Reassure them that they are not alone and remind them that their feelings are valid. Your support and empathy can make a profound difference in the healing journey of a loved one and by offering a space of safety and acceptance, you can help them toward a path of recovery and resilience.
Seeking help. While your support is valuable, it’s also important to recognize when professional help is needed. Help a loved one seek professional help if they exhibit the following:
Prolonged or severe symptoms, such as the ones listed above.
Thoughts of self-harm or suicide.
Struggling to cope with daily life.
A desire for professional assistance.
There are therapists that specialize in trauma-informed care and can provide specialized treatment to support your loved one during this difficult time. Encourage your loved one to seek help and offer to help them find a therapist. If you believe that someone is at serious risk of harm, you can call or text 988 or visit your local emergency room.
It's important to remember that your mental health matters too. A traumatic event can have a major impact not just on those who lived through it, but also on people around them. If you experience the effects of trauma while supporting someone else (sometimes referred to as vicarious trauma), it might help to try some of the tips from this blog post. You can also schedule a free phone consultation to see if we can match you with one of the therapists at bareWell Group to further support you or a loved one.